Last time we talked about what Emotional Leaking is, and a bit on how to recognize it.
Today we are going to talk about what to do next.
First. We need to begin to recognize that it is happening.
To be honest, it can more often a subtle ongoing thing, rather than a dramatic emotional vomit.
When we leak, whether a tiny occasional drip, a constant trickle, or a pressurized stream, t's much like that leaking pipe in the bathroom wall that I talked about in the last post and causes damage in our lives. Whether slowly, or suddenly.
But, recognizing is always the first step. Acknowledging it. Accepting that it is happening.
No blaming. No victim mode. Just recognition. Just seeing it.
Try having a little conversation with your Leak:
"Oh. Hey there Leak. I see that you have decided to show up for today's activities. I know that you have a job to do in helping me release pressure, so I do appreciate and thank you for letting me see that there is an issue going on that needs to be addressed. But right now, your behavior is causing more damage than it is fixing the source of the situation, so I am going to ask you to back off a little so that I can clean up the mess and try to find the source, and do some repair work."
Sometimes it requires an immediate apology to someone directly impacted.
A lot of the time it requires more internal work; digging in to get a better understanding of the source of the leak.
In a similar way that it is not always obvious where exactly that pipe leak is coming from because water always runs to the lowest point of release; so do our leaking emotions. In order to find the source, we have to stop the flow, clean up the debris, and follow it backward until we can locate the point of origin.
Some of this we might be able to do through a mindful journaling practice. Just do some emotional vomit on the paper. In a beautiful journal. On scrap paper, a napkin, whatever. But I DO recommend physically writing with a pen(not erasable pencil) on paper, becasue the process of gathering your thoughts in your head, and the emotions in your heart, and collecting them together in your shoulder and releasing them down your arm, through your fingers, and out onto the paper is POWERFUL! It's messy. It's hard. It's painful. It's helpful. It's worth it.
If this feels scary, to put all that hard yucky messy stuff on paper, I suggest that you DO IT ANYWAY. Let the tears flow. Let the words flow. Let the yuck out. It doesn't have to make sense. It can be a list of words and feelings! Doesn't even have to be complete sentences! Doesn't have to be a cohesive story. Just brain DUMP it OUT of your body onto the paper! It might fill pages and pages. It might be a 3x5 card! It doesn't matter, just get it out of your body!
And then burn it!
Have a ceremonial fire, in a fireplace, bonfire pit, or some other safe and contained place; please don't just light it on fire in your living room!
I like to do this outside where we have a bonfire pit in our back yard. It's an additional time of prayer and meditation for me watching the fire consume the paper, the words, the emotions and experiences. I imagine as the fire consumes it, and the pain becomes smoke that the air is lifting it up to my God in Heaven (or however you want to think of your higher power) and I am giving it back to him to turn into something more productive and useful in my life.
Sometimes I will make a duplicate of the original writing before I burn it: photo copy, or maybe I'll write in my "real" journal a summary of the emotional vomit, then in a month, or two, I'll re-read that entry and see what has changed.
I am amazed every single time at how healing and change can happen so softly and gently that I hardly notice it, until I look back and see where I was compared to where I am not, and those journal entries are milepost markers.
Keep working through the hard stuff. The healing is worth it.
And everything you learn about yourself on the other side is extra bonus stuff in living your life well!
As much love as ever,
Tuesday, July 23, 2019
Saturday, July 20, 2019
Have you heard that term before?
It's when unspoken emotions "leak" out of our bodies through unintended words, misdirected frustration or anger, actions, tears or other emotional actions like laughing inappropriately, tone of voice, facial expressions, or energy.
Sometimes the cause of the leaking is really obvious to us. We had a fight with with someone, or had a bad experience that left us in a bad mood, and we're having a difficult time separating that experience from the rest of our day (Week? Month? Life?) and we drag that negative emotion around with us and end up sharing that negative energy with other people that had nothing to do with the negative experience.
Maybe we just had to most happily amazing experience with a loved one, or experience at a store or business, and we want everyone to know about it. Maybe we don't tell anyone, but we just start smiling a little more intentionally at everyone we pass, hold a door, leave a flower, sent a message.
Sometimes the cause is deeper. Long held unspoken fears, hurt feelings, seemingly long forgotten childhood experiences, anxieties, even our deeper mindsets, can rise to the surface and leak into our daily experience, and we might not even recognize that it is happening.
Sometimes, we know we are leaking. Sometime we do not.
Is this bad? Not necessarily. Let's take a look at a couple of analogies.
The first one is a story:
There was a woman who had to walk down a path every day to get water from the well. She had 2 buckets, and carried one in each hand. One bucket had a crack, and she always carried it in her left hand. Each day she went to fill the buckets, by the time she walked back to the house the bucket in her left hand was empty becasue it had leaked out along the path. The 2 buckets were talking on the porch where they were left, and the cracked one was lamenting and feeling useless for never being able to successfully bring water back to the house. This caused the woman to have to make additional trips to the well. She was old and this trip was getting more and more difficult for her, and the bucket felt like it was letting the woman down. The intact bucket looked out and down the path they traveled daily and pointed out to the cracked bucket that the side of the trail where she carried the cracked bucket was rich with lush veggies and flowers.
This next analogy, I want you to think about the effect of a leaking pipe in the wall of your bathroom. Even a tiny occasional drip, over time can cause detrimental damage to the structure of your home. And just becasue you cannot see the leak, and you cannot see the wetness that it is leaving, does not mean it is not happening! And how do you KNOW that it is happening. You often times cannot know until you break open the dry wall. You might be doing a bathroom remodel, and discover that there has been a leak for a long time that you were unaware of! And with a bit of luck, you discovered it before any crucial damage was done!
I think one of the differences in determining if it's good or bad to leak, is to determine the underlying aspects.
Maybe we have pressed those emotions and mindsets down tight and deep and are avoiding dealing with them on a conscious level. Trust me. They will leak out. And sadly, it is usually the more negative and difficult to face emotions and mindsets that leak the most. And are certainly the most toxic for our lives, and for those around us.
So, now that we understand that this is a real thing that is happening, what do we do about it?
I'll write about that in the next post.
So, for now; pay attention to your underlying emotions, and how they might be leaking.
I had such an experience just this morning, which is what prompted me to write on this topic.
I figure if it happens to me, it happens to you, and maybe through sharing we can all heal a little bit more!
Because everything we learn to make our lives better is EXTRA in this journey and process of Living Well!
All my Love,
Tuesday, July 9, 2019
We all want more, don't we?
More peace. More money. More time. More love. More fresh air. More cheesecake LOL
Whatever it is, what if you could have more?
What if you already have that MORE?
and don't even know it?
What if every thing in your life is extra?
What if every thing you experience happens FOR you, instead of TO you?
We all come into this world naked and dependent.
Through the course of our journey on this planet, things are added to us.
Some of those things are soft and gentle. Some are hard and callusing.
Is it the thing itself or the way we experience it that determines it's positive or negative influence on our life? And what is it that determines how we receive those things?
Take some time today to just notice all of the abundance you have right now. Do you have food? Clothes the wear? A place to live? Are your bills paid?
If so, be thankful. Say it out loud. Write it down.
If not, those are the things you already know you need to be improving. But have you taken the time to consider how these deficiencies are shaping you? What are you learning about your deeper resiliency skills?
In this world, every thing is extra.
You get to decide if that means it's a bonus!
Or if that mean something more transactional.
Be blessed lovelies!