I have not posted in quite a while. I have been really in a period of inner work, and not really able to extrovert at all, I have not socialized or even journaled very much in the last 6 months.
Re-reading my last post, I realize what a hugely pivotal season the last 8 months have been. Lots of growing pains. Lots of changes. I am still benefiting from the decisions I wrote about in that last post about my retreat. Many milestones crossed, many changes have come to fruition as a result of my letting go and letting God take care of the perfect plan for my life. My (repeated) realization that it is my job to simply be ready and willing to recognize and accept and move with God's great plan for my life, even when it is scary and painful. Sometimes, the fact that something is scary and painful makes it especially important! Lets take a look at a the biggest and most important milestones for me over the last several months. I will try to focus on each one as it's own story though they all overlap and intermingle.
Hours at work continued to reduce little by little at the clinic, and I knew that I was not going to be able to manage financially, so I started searching for either a new job, or a supplemental job. Each month as I paid my bills I was more and more resolved, and more and more leaning and trusting on God the universe and Serendipity to direct me to the right situation. In March, at the notification of a friend, I went to an aerospace job fair with my aerospace resume, and was offered a job on the spot! I didn't even know what I was hired for, but within the next few days, negotiations, and such, I was offered 30% more per hour, at 40+ hours a week! 3 weeks vacation annually, and at least one business trip to the Philippines a year beginning sometime fall 2012. It took a week to work out the details, then I gave my 2 weeks notice at the clinic. They were glad and sad and understanding. I have now been with the company a month. The team I am on is a great fit, and has a great dynamic, and I feel like I have opportunities to really use my skills well! I still need to work on some inner personal things that can impact my work, but I feel like this is going to be a good environment for me to be appropriately bold, and respectful, without being loud and brash. Sometimes, I have to work hard to hold my tongue, because I do tend to talk too much and interrupt people, but I am learning to keep a hair tie, or a bracelet, on my wrist to fidget with, so I listen with my ears and not my mouth.
My youngest son moved out in November! It took a lot of heartache and hard work and a rebuilding of the debt I had worked so hard to pay off. But my peace of mind is worth it! He left a huge mess to be cleaned up! I had to hire my other son to help fix holes in walls, and clean the garage and make dump runs, and paint. Between my job and his school, it took us most of December and into January to get it finished, but now my apartment is MINE! I took furniture to the dump, and bought a new (used) sofa, and was given a nice chair. I have changed his room into my Creation Station, where I sew and photograph, and exercise! My living room looks like I live here, and it stays clean! It is SO much more peaceful here! New drapes, bedspread, art, throw rugs, plants! Ahhh ... It is good to be home ... Mostly ;) but more on that later ... The boy is doing well now. His first few months were challenging for him, but the learning curve can be steep! He recently started a full time job in an auto shop. He is staying with his older brother until he gets a couple paychecks in the bank, then he said he will try to fins a little place of his own, or a room mate of his own, or something. Our last 2-3 conversations have been good!
My middle kiddo finished school, and came and fetched his 2 cats and took them back to live with him!! YAY! Another bit of stress reduction for me! As much as I enjoyed having the cats, I was so tired of the cat hair on the navy blue carpet, and the cat box, and having to keep all of my plants and pictures and things put in the other room so they wouldn't knock them over all the time! It took weeks of vacuuming to get rid of the cat hair, and I occasionally find a few straggling strands. Son is doing well, living at his grandparents house while they are on a one year traveling adventure, taking care of their cats and the house and the yard and the rental properties. He pays no rent, but has to pay his utilities, and food and such. He works for a couple of different contractors doing all kinds of jobs that he enjoys! He seems pretty happy.
Three days before Christmas, I broke up with JQ. The stress of being pushed out and excluded from his life was just way too painful. I started dating a couple of friends just to keep busy, and it was helpful. They were really supportive and understanding, and I really started to get a better grasp on my boundaries and my value and my worth. JQ started pursuing me mid February, very seriously, and I held him at a distance for several weeks, and expressed my heartache and fears and expectations and he did as well. We are very deeply in love with each other. Neither of us can deny that. We are also very deeply afraid of failing in relationship, and being stuck, and making changes. We are trying again. Trying to not let things be the way they were for the last year. Trying to be more open and more communicative; more present, more thankful. More TOGETHER.
January 30th, 2012 ... I became a grandmother ... Grammi, that's my title, until little George Phillip can talk and decide for himself what he wants to call me! He is beautiful and precious, and amazing and healthy! His mommy and daddy are doing well! I got to spend a week with them when he was 3 weeks old, then they came and spent a week with me when he was almost 2 months old! I wish they were not so far away, and I wish they had internet at home! I hardly ever hear from them, or get pictures, or anything! =( I'm pouting ... I'm whining ... I know ... LOL But it is all good! I am so glad my son-in-law's family lives in the same town, it makes me feel better knowing there the other grandma is there to hold him and play with him and kiss him! Even though I am a little jealous at the same time!
So, there, that is the basic catch up ... Now it's time to keep moving forward! Taking on new growth and new challenges and new hopes and new dreams and new adventures and always, always, always keep ...
Living WELL!
Love Suzi~Q
