Monday, December 31, 2012

Mr & Mrs Quillen (Yes, I am Suzi~Q, FOR REAL!!)

December 9, 2012.

Jeff: With faith, honesty and love, I choose you to be my wife. 

Suzi: With faith, honesty and love, I choose you to be my husband. 

Jeff: Every day, I fall more in love with you Suzi, and the life we are building together.

Suzi: I promise to be your lover, your companion (your fishing buddy) and your best friend for the rest of my life. 

Jeff: I promise to love you and cherish you through whatever life may bring us.

Suzi: I promise to stand steadfast at your side, our hands, hearts and lives intertwined. 

Jeff: I am amazingly blessed to have found my deepest and truest love with you.
Today, with the greatest joy, I commit my life to yours.
I give you this ring, as symbol of my love and devotion; wear it with love and joy.

Suzi: I am amazingly blessed to have found my deepest and truest love with you. 
Today, with the greatest joy, I commit my life to yours.
I give you this ring, as symbol of my love and devotion; wear it with love and joy.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

If Money Wasn't an Obstacle

I friend recently asked me to write an article about what I would do if I won the lottery.

My first thought was ... "Well, that'd be a good trick, since I've never bought a lottery ticket in my entire life!"

So, I sat back with the idea to think for a while.

After some mulling and pondering, I decided, that for the purpose of this article, it really doesn't matter how one might randomly come into a large windfall; could be inheritance, or the lottery, or some other form of gambling, or an investment pays off in a huge way.

It seemed to me that the question really is, "What would you do if you suddenly had a ridiculously large sum of money that you did not have to earn?"

What would YOU do??

Me, being the ever practical one, I would first pay off the few small debts that remain, reminding me of harder times and difficult choices. I would buy that little truck I want (cause my cute little car just doesn't like the dirt roads I find myself driving on!) Next, I would decide where I want to live (Carmel-By-The-Sea beckons to me!), I would find my perfect little Anne Cottage and buy it. I would take a very large portion of the balance and invest it solidly in something that has a return I can live off of. If I work, I want to work for my heart sake!

THEN ...

Would I quit my job? I dont think I would stop working altogether, but I think I would seek out a position that really made my heart happy! I loved working in the clinic! I loved helping people be healthy! I might go back to school and build on some of my nurturing skills!  Perhaps I might put more focus on life coaching, or nutritional guidance, or something in that realm. Perhaps put more focus on my art, and my writing.

I would LIVE! I would grow a garden with beautiful flowers and food that I could share with others! I would drive around visiting people, and sharing the harvest of my garden, and  making them laugh and smile! And write inspiring words to share with others!

I would travel! I would visit my grandson, and take him on adventures! I would see the world, and visit new people and make new friends and write blog articles about it!

I would share my love of my family and my friends and have them over for tea.

I would sew more, and crochet more, and knit more.

I would read more.

I would take pictures, and send hand written letters, and cook beautiful delicious fresh food!

I would play with babies, and go to the beach!

I would infuse my life with live music, and sing! Take more voice lessons, and relearn to play my clarinet. Go to the symphony and the opera, and the theater, and rock concerts, and my friend's kids school concerts!

I would do yoga at the beach, and on mountain peaks! And listen to the music of the earth!

I would make snow angles, and marvel at the quiet stillness of a icy winter morning.

I would dance, and laugh, and go to the fair, and drive to see my out of state family.

WOW! LOL! I already do these things (except travel the world!), but I would be able to do them on a much grander scale! I would be able to make them the FOCUS of my life, instead of them being simply delightful things that I manage to tuck into the spaces left between my work hours!

It is an art form to just simply ...

LIVE, well!
Love, Suzi~Q

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Beauty Walks (a poem I wrote several years ago)

Walks gently
The delicious scent of the forest.
The drops of pearl that blossomed
Guarded by the majesty of the mountain itself
In the comforting shelter of the trees.
Very still and very quiet
To move, for the dream might end.
To speak, for the sound would shatter the serine and beautiful silence.
To exhale for the movement of air is enough to scatter the birds from the trees.
The dawn unfold in glowing brilliance
In awe and wonder, so as not to disrupt the magic.

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Slow down, but Don't Stop Moving!

I have been hiking a few times this summer! Yeah! I love hiking, and really haven't done much of it in the previous couple years.  A childhood friend and her husband are avid hikers, so it has really been great! We also go to yoga together sometimes.

We have come up with a super fun hiking tradition! We do a yoga pose together at the trail end before heading back! =) The we post it on Facebook!

Still quite a bit of snow in the sub-alpine lakes in the north Cascade range in June, so we were not able to hike around Lake 22, but it was great fun!

I haven't been able to hike or even work out for several weeks because my hip has been giving me issues, but i am scheduled to start my injection treatments tomorrow, so I will be in hiking shape again SOON! Might even be ready for a gentle, easy, hike on Saturday =) If I don't go check out one of our local small community fairs! Most likely, I'll end up working Saturday ;)

Perhaps I'll go to the fair with a co-worker on Sunday, and I'll photograph her children! I have a family portrait session scheduled for Thursday that I'm excited about!

So, I'm staying active, even though I cannot WORK OUT at the moment. Keeping moving, and watching what I eat since I'm not burning as many calories. I'll be back on track again in a short while.

Monday, July 30, 2012

Holding Hands with a Dragonfly

I stepped outside for lunch, and a co-worker pointed to the sidewalk. Sitting there in the sun was a dragonfly!

Not wanting it to get stepped on, I put my hand near it ... and it walked right up onto my fingers!!

It was SO beautiful with all of it's luminescent colors. I was in awe of this moment, watching this beautiful creature resting in my hand so authentically and trustingly!

I decided to set it safely in the grass, but it did not seem to want to leave me, so we spent a few more minutes together, just looking at each other. I was finally able to get it to walk off my fingers and onto the grass.

With that, I then started thinking of the significance of this amazing and rare interaction and connection! My higher power (G.U.S.) seemed to be sending me a message in a treasured moment!

To broaden the significance, I borrow the following from The Dragonfly Site to help explain what message G.U.S. may have been trying to remind me of!

Symbolisms of the Dragonfly

  • Maturity and a Depth of character
    The dragonfly, in almost every part of the world symbolizes change and change in the perspective of self realization; and the kind of change that has its source in mental and emotional maturity and the understanding of the deeper meaning of life.

    The traditional association of Dragonflies with water also gives rise to this meaning to this amazing insect. The Dragonfly’s scurrying flight across water represents an act of going beyond what’s on the surface and looking into the deeper implications and aspects of life.
  • Power and Poise
    The dragonfly’s agile flight and its ability to move in all six directions exude a sense of power and poise - something that comes only with age and maturity.
    The dragonfly can move at an amazing 45 miles an hour,  hover like a helicopter fly backwards like a hummingbird, fly straight up, down and on either side. What is mind blowing is the fact that it can do this while flapping its wings a mere 30 times a minute while mosquitoes and houseflies need to flap their wings 600 and 1000 times a minute respectively.

    The awe inspiring aspect is how the dragonfly accomplishes its objectives with utmost simplicity, effectiveness and well, if you look at proportions, with 20 times as much power in each of its wing strokes when compared to the other insects.  The best part is that the dragonfly does it with elegance and grace that can be compared to a veteran ballet dancer. If this is not a brazen, lazy, overkill in terms of display of raw power, what is?
  • Defeat of Self Created Illusions
    The dragonfly exhibits iridescence both on its wings as well as on its body. Iridescence is the property of an object to show itself in different colors depending on the angle and polarization of light falling on it.

    This property is seen and believed as the end of one’s self created illusions and a clear vision into the realities of life. The magical property of iridescence is also associated with the discovery of one’s own abilities by unmasking the real self and removing the doubts one casts on his/her own sense of identity. This again indirectly means self discovery and removal of inhibitions.
  • Focus on living ‘IN’ the moment
    The dragonfly normally lives most of its life as a nymph or an immature. It flies only for a fraction of its life and usually not more than a few months. This adult dragonfly does it all in these few months and leaves nothing to be desired. This style of life symbolizes and exemplifies the virtue of living IN the moment and living life to the fullest. By living in the moment you are aware of who you are, where you are, what you are doing, what you want, what you don’t and make informed choices on a moment-to-moment basis.

    This ability lets you live your life without regrets like the great dragonfly.
  • The opening of one’s eyes
    The eyes of the dragonfly are one of the most amazing and awe inspiring sights. Given almost 80% of the insect’s brain power is dedicated to its sight and the fact that it can see in all 360 degrees around it, it symbolizes the uninhibited vision of the mind and the ability to see beyond the limitations of the human self. It also in a manner of speaking symbolizes a man/woman’s rising from materialism to be able to see beyond the mundane into the vastness that is really our Universe, and our own minds. 
Love and Peace to you as you move forward in your quest to
Live Well!

Sunday, May 27, 2012

A Small Step in Accepting Loneliness

I was shopping a couple of months ago, when out of the corner of my eye, my attention was captured. it was a pair of sterling earrings. There was a certain energy coming from them that drew me in, and I knew I had to have them ... and discovered they were on sale!

They were so comfortable, and I felt great wearing them. Simple. Elegant. Right weight. I started wearing them quite a bit.

About a month later, I lost one earring, and I was very sad.  Then it was pointed out that the remaining earring would make a good necklace pendant! And so it does!

The moral of the story???

Like that pendant, even though I am no longer part of a matched set, I am by no means incomplete!

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Marking Milestones

I have not posted in quite a while. I have been really in a period of inner work, and not really able to extrovert at all, I have not socialized or even journaled very much in the last 6 months.

Re-reading my last post, I realize what a hugely pivotal season the last 8 months have been. Lots of growing pains. Lots of changes. I am still benefiting from the decisions I wrote about in that last post about my retreat. Many milestones crossed, many changes have come to fruition as a result of my letting go and letting God take care of the perfect plan for my life. My (repeated) realization that it is my job to simply be ready and willing to recognize and accept and move with God's great plan for my life, even when it is scary and painful. Sometimes, the fact that something is scary and painful makes it especially important! Lets take a look at a the biggest and most important milestones for me over the last several months. I will try to focus on each one as it's own story though they all overlap and intermingle.

Hours at work continued to reduce little by little at the clinic, and I knew that I was not going to be able to manage financially, so I started searching for either a new job, or a supplemental job. Each month as I paid my bills I was more and more resolved, and more and more leaning and trusting on God the universe and Serendipity to direct me to the right situation. In March, at the notification of a friend, I went to an aerospace job fair with my aerospace resume, and was offered a job on the spot! I didn't even know what I was hired for, but within the next few days, negotiations, and such, I was offered 30% more per hour, at 40+ hours a week! 3 weeks vacation annually, and at least one business trip to the Philippines a year beginning sometime fall 2012. It took a week to work out the details, then I gave my 2 weeks notice at the clinic. They were glad and sad and understanding.  I have now been with the company a month. The team I am on is a great fit, and has a great dynamic, and I feel like I have opportunities to really use my skills well! I still need to work on some inner personal things that can impact my work, but I feel like this is going to be a good environment for me to be appropriately bold, and respectful, without being loud and brash. Sometimes, I have to work hard to hold my tongue, because I do tend to talk too much and interrupt people, but I am learning to keep a hair tie, or a bracelet, on my wrist to fidget with, so I listen with my ears and not my mouth.

My youngest son moved out in November! It took a lot of heartache and hard work and a rebuilding of the debt I had worked so hard to pay off. But my peace of mind is worth it! He left a huge mess to be cleaned up! I had to hire my other son to help fix holes in walls, and clean the garage and make dump runs, and paint. Between my job and his school, it took us most of December and into January to get it finished, but now my apartment is MINE! I took furniture to the dump, and bought a new (used) sofa, and was given a nice chair. I have changed his room into my Creation Station, where I sew and photograph, and exercise! My living room looks like I live here, and it stays clean! It is SO much more peaceful here! New drapes, bedspread, art, throw rugs, plants! Ahhh ... It is good to be home ... Mostly ;) but more on that later ... The boy is doing well now. His first few months were challenging for him, but the learning curve can be steep! He recently started a full time job in an auto shop. He is staying with his older brother until he gets a couple paychecks in the bank, then he said he will try to fins a little place of his own, or a room mate of his own, or something. Our last 2-3 conversations have been good!

My middle kiddo finished school, and came and fetched his 2 cats and took them back to live with him!! YAY! Another bit of stress reduction for me! As much as I enjoyed having the cats, I was so tired of the cat hair on the navy blue carpet, and the cat box, and having to keep all of my plants and pictures and things put in the other room so they wouldn't knock them over all the time! It took weeks of vacuuming to get rid of the cat hair, and I occasionally find a few straggling strands. Son is doing well, living at his grandparents house while they are on a one year traveling adventure, taking care of their cats and the house and the yard and the rental properties. He pays no rent, but has to pay his utilities, and food and such. He works for a couple of different contractors doing all kinds of jobs that he enjoys! He seems pretty happy.

Three days before Christmas, I broke up with JQ.  The stress of being pushed out and excluded from his life was just way too painful. I started dating a couple of friends just to keep busy, and it was helpful. They were really supportive and understanding, and I really started to get a better grasp on my boundaries and my value and my worth. JQ started pursuing me mid February, very seriously, and I held him at a distance for several weeks, and expressed my heartache and fears and expectations and he did as well. We are very deeply in love with each other. Neither of us can deny that. We are also very deeply afraid of failing in relationship, and being stuck, and making changes. We are trying again. Trying to not let things be the way they were for the last year. Trying to be more open and more communicative; more present, more thankful. More TOGETHER.

January 30th, 2012 ... I became a grandmother ... Grammi, that's my title, until little George Phillip can talk and decide for himself what he wants to call me! He is beautiful and precious, and amazing and healthy! His mommy and daddy are doing well! I got to spend a week with them when he was 3 weeks old, then they came and spent a week with me when he was almost 2 months old! I wish they were not so far away, and I wish they had internet at home! I hardly ever hear from them, or get pictures, or anything! =( I'm pouting ... I'm whining ... I know ... LOL But it is all good! I am so glad my son-in-law's family lives in the same town, it makes me feel better knowing there the other grandma is there to hold him and play with him and kiss him! Even though I am a little jealous at the same time!

So, there, that is the basic catch up ... Now it's time to keep moving forward! Taking on new growth and new challenges and new hopes and new dreams and new adventures and always, always, always keep ...

Living WELL!
Love Suzi~Q