Saturday, April 30, 2011

Serenity & Solitude

Bright and early this morning, JQ picked me up.  Off to Lake Armstrong for opening day of trout fishing.  His daughter and youngest son joined us.  It was over cast, and a bit chilly, but a really pleasant and serene morning out on the lake.

Two hours of quietly gliding around the little lake; saying nothing; listening to the sound of the breeze in the trees and the very few birds chirping away.  We saw only one eagle gliding over to land in one of the trees along the east shore.  I was listening to the thoughts in my head.  Trying to listen to the feelings in my heart.

God:  Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things that I can; and the wisdom to know the difference!

What is this sadness that seems to be filling me these recent days?  What is this veil that separates my heart and mind from each other?  It has always been there really.  Many many times I have made the comment that my heart and mind were arguing with each other.  The two rarely seem to be on the same page for most of the last fifteen years or so.  Do I need more quiet alone time to discover my true authentic self?  Or less?  Would I know my true authentic self if I met her?  Perhaps she will introduce herself?  Is she more of the quiet side of me?  Or the loud busy side of me?  Is she both?  Is that possible?  Perhaps this is a part of the process as the veil thins, and my heart and mind become reacquainted with each other.

There came a point when it was far less painful to blossom than to stay tight in the bud.  Perhaps patience with who I am right now is more important to letting my true authentic self emerge, much like the slow opening of a blossom ... it cannot be rushed!  The flower's true beauty will be revealed at it's own pace, and at each stage of progression, not just at full bloom.  Enjoying each unfolding of the petals.

We don't have to go through things alone.  Like the man in the boat across from us fishing with his dog.  really, what use is the dog here?  He cannot handle the net to scoop up the fish at the end of his master's line.  he cannot row the boat, or direct and steer the boat with the motor.  He cannot refill his owner's coffee cup, or pass him a sandwich.  They will not engage in bantering conversation, or even decide who is driving home.  The dog is simply a companion.  They communicate; they understand each other; they love each other unconditionally.

I have begun anew this week, with a counselor that I have seen before.  There is much room to grow; much room to blossom; much to mend; much to discover; much to heal.  I hope that this time, I have the resources to continue with her care and guidance for an extended period of time, so that the blossom can turn to sweet juicy fruit!

Wishing you Peace and Serenity today, as you blossom into Living Well!