Saturday, May 28, 2011

Under My Skin - Addressing Hurt Feelings

I got my feelings hurt this morning.

I feel misunderstood, and judged.

I was offended.

I reacted.  Not responded.

Via text message, a friend of mine informed me that a mutual acquaintance thought my profile picture As seen here) was desperate and inappropriate.  I thought it was fun, playful, beautiful, and sexy. Perhaps I am showing too much leg for that person's taste?  Perhaps its the way I am leaning forward with my arm back?

I went through this 2 years ago when I posted pictures from my first trip to Hawaii ... "some people" were all a flutter because I shared pictures of me in a bikini!  For crying out loud people!  I was once a fat and frumpy person.  I am not now!  I am now feeling beautiful and sexy and happy.  I am not chasing any one's man.  I have one of my own that I am quite content with, thank you very much.

Are other women so insecure with them selves that I have to curb my own self image?  One that I have battled with for most of my 43 years!  What would my mystery critic have done, if I had entered the Pin-Up-Girl contest at the local spring car show?

My first instinct was to crawl into a hole, and stop sharing who I am.  To stop sharing my journey if it is going to be offensive to "some one".  BUT!!  I am not going to do that.  I am proud of who I am now.  I am proud of my body and how I look.  While I still have much more to continue, I am currently very pleased with the lifestyle changes that I have made in order to be a healthier more fit me.  I was fat and frumpy for so so so many years of my adult life, and to now be happy with the way I look is totally new for me.  THIS experience is part of my journey of healing!  It is just a fact of life that when we put ourselves out there, we are at times going to be shot at like ducks in the arcade shooting gallery.

I was planning to change my picture anyway to something patriotic, for Memorial Day, so I did that this morning, just for that mystery person.  A photo of a lovely red white and blue wreath of flowers on a stand.  I don't like the way that made me feel ... I caved.  I complied.  Then, I felt totally sassy about the whole thing and had to stop myself several times from making some kind of nasty sarcastic comment under my new picture ... I do not like feeling that way at all! So I changed my picture again, to something as innocuous as my sarcastic self could manage this morning, without (again) being totally offensive to SOMEONE.

I have spent so many years trying to break down the wall that I built up around myself, and this morning, a few more bricks were put right back up again!  So, back I go again to the process of breaking free of the bondages that have confined my spirit, back to discovering who I really am, and learning to fly so that I can get back to really ...

Living Well!