Many might ask, "Why in the world would someone leave the best paying job they have ever had?" This was not a decision that I came to suddenly, or lightly. It is not just me that is impacted by this decision! My husband and I have financial goals, and that job had us WELL on our way to achieving them with in 3 years!
But everyday I was crying on my way home from work. I felt like a useless cog in a massive industrial machine. I was tired and burned out and unable to feel creative and in-touch with myself during my few non-work hours. I was not connecting with my husband, my friends, or my (grown) kids and grand kids!
I was "missing it" !
Some say life is too short ... But really, life is TOO LONG to spend it being miserable! Here is a letter I wrote to my husband in July that expresses just a small bit of the heart ache that I was battling every day of what ended up being 19 months of my life ...
I feel guilty for feeling discontented when I have a good job, and I make more money than I have ever made in my life! Today is payday, and when I looked at my pay stub, my gross year to date at the 6 month mark, is (more than I have made in a full year previously). This is no small change. I feel more financially secure than I ever have, but at the same I am not happy with my employment. This is such an ugly and selfish and ungrateful feeling and I feel like a wretch for even feeling it! I am thankful for the finances! We are making good choices about how we are using our money, and we are paying down our debts solidly and putting money in savings! And I keep pep-talking myself that I can do this, I can find my satisfaction in that ... that's how I am ... as long as there is outstanding debt to pay down, I am in bondage to the paycheck.
So, really, it's a constant battle in my head. I like many of my co-workers, I like many of my tasks, and appreciate when I get to have some variety in my day, I like my paychecks. I dislike the relative chaos and disorganization of the way this company operates. I hate feeling under-utilized. I miss being able to be creative and nurturing. I know it doesn't have to be forever. Some days feels like forever.
I feel guilty for feeling this way ... even though they are honest and legitimate feelings.
So, I just say, "My day was just fine." because it helps me to stand separated from the mischmash of negative feelings and stand more in touch with the positive aspects of my job."