I have to share that I am recently struggling to feel good and useful and productive with my "not at my job" time. In the work world, it is called non-value added time ... LOL
I do all kinds of busy and good things, but at the end of the day, do I REALLY feel like I have been productive in the direction of the goals that I say I have set for myself? Lately, no.
If I am NOT taking definitive action toward the goals I have in my head, then that tells me they are not deeply seated in my heart ... So, maybe I need to explore that, and think about what the hang-up really is. Is it a fear of success? I know that sounds strange, but really, once you have shown the world what you are really capable of, the bar gets raised, and more is expected of you ... No ... that is not the case for me ...
For me it is fear of rejection and failure. What if i put myself out there, and no one likes my art? What if i invest my time and effort, and get rejected, and no one buys it?
My logic knows that is not the case! I have sold pieces in the past! And people often tell me how good my work is ... but yet I still struggle with this deep seated voice of tenativeity (ya, I think I'm making up words again), hesitancy, apologetic for my talents and abilities ... WHY? Really??? What do I have to apologize for? I have God given talents! The only thing that I ought to apologize for is not utilizing and developing them over the course of my life!
Now, I recognize that these are temporary and resolvable feelings. I have recognized them, and can take sensible and definitive steps to change what I am doing, and therefore, bring myself back in alignment with the feelings I desire to have. It is within my power (and honestly, my responsibility) to control.