I have to share that I am recently struggling to feel good and useful and productive with my "not at my job" time. In the work world, it is called non-value added time ... LOL
I do all kinds of busy and good things, but at the end of the day, do I REALLY feel like I have been productive in the direction of the goals that I say I have set for myself? Lately, no.
If I am NOT taking definitive action toward the goals I have in my head, then that tells me they are not deeply seated in my heart ... So, maybe I need to explore that, and think about what the hang-up really is. Is it a fear of success? I know that sounds strange, but really, once you have shown the world what you are really capable of, the bar gets raised, and more is expected of you ... No ... that is not the case for me ...
For me it is fear of rejection and failure. What if i put myself out there, and no one likes my art? What if i invest my time and effort, and get rejected, and no one buys it?
My logic knows that is not the case! I have sold pieces in the past! And people often tell me how good my work is ... but yet I still struggle with this deep seated voice of tenativeity (ya, I think I'm making up words again), hesitancy, apologetic for my talents and abilities ... WHY? Really??? What do I have to apologize for? I have God given talents! The only thing that I ought to apologize for is not utilizing and developing them over the course of my life!
Now, I recognize that these are temporary and resolvable feelings. I have recognized them, and can take sensible and definitive steps to change what I am doing, and therefore, bring myself back in alignment with the feelings I desire to have. It is within my power (and honestly, my responsibility) to control.
If you are familiar with the biblical Parable of the Talents (which, ironically for our time, was a denomination of currency at the time of the story), you will recall that 3 people were given responsibility over some coins by their master in his absence. It is a simple story. A man who is preparing to leave on a journey entrusts his possessions to his servants. He distributes his wealth among three servants, according to their abilities. To the first he entrusted five talents, to the second two talents, and to the third one talent. The first two servants put their master's money to work. The third servant did not invest his master’s money at all; he dug a hole in the ground and buried it. When the master returned, the first two eagerly met their master, apparently delighted in the opportunity to multiply their master’s money. Both were commended as “good and faithful servants”; both were rewarded with increased responsibilities in their master’s service; both were invited to share in their master’s joy.
The master’s dealings with the third servant is a very different matter. This servant came to his master with only the talent his master had originally entrusted to him. He did not increase his master’s money at all. In fact, if this were to take place today, that money would likely be worth less, due to inflation. This servant offered a feeble excuse for his conduct. He told his master that he was a harsh and cruel man, a man who was demanding, and who expected gain where he had not labored. He contended that this is why he was afraid to take a risk with any kind of investment. And so he simply hid the money, and now he returned it, without any gain. The master rebuked this slave for being evil and lazy. He took his talent from him, gave it to the one who earned ten, and cast this fellow out.
So ... What is my story ...? I was once the third servant, then discovered the error I was making, and became the second ... My current desire is to be more like the first servant ...
Really, it's not that I am actually wasting time, it's just that I could be more focused at using my time and efforts toward the accomplishment of my goals. Now I feel (again) like I can (and ought to) make a schedule to help me to get focused, and use my time wisely and productively so that my talents are utilized wisely and productively toward advancing my goals. I can schedule my entire day ... from the moment that I wake till bedtime. I think that it is important to make sure that I include scheduling my quiet time as well, otherwise I will take quiet time for me, and it will again, throw off the necessary responsibilities. My schedule out to include, but not be limited to: time for going to the gym, and my paying job, and housework, and errands, and JQ time, and personal care time (gotta keep the gray covered, right girls!??), reading, crochet, my photography. As I begin to regain control of the time that has been given to me, I may have to kind of micro manage my time until I get a balance that feels right and natural. I have had to do a similar program with my budget, as discussed in a previous post!
I have talked about this with you before, that I am a list maker. Sometimes I get away from it a little bit, not never altogether. Recently my list making has just not been guiding my routine, which is ok
Using my time and my talents productively help me to really feel and see that I am ... Living Well!
Please share your comments below! I love hearing from you! It encourages me to keep sharing, and encourages me to dig a little deeper which helps me everyday to ...
Live Well!
Love to you all!
Suzi~Q
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